last of the pics...

and more pics...

More pictures of Mex...

My second trip to Mexico!

I spent the day in Mexico again...It's hard not to when your so darn close! I must admit, I havent walked this much in a looonngg time, It feels so great. Anyhow, I really explored much more of Juarez this last trip. I ventured into their main market area...It's so wonderful! There was live music, clowns, people flooded the streets, the churches were wide open throughout the day with people wandering in and out of them...it was like a festival...but it's every weekend in Juarez!

I took lots of pics this time so I'd like to let them tell you more of the story of what my day was like yesterday...Enjoy!

Love,
Kim

My first Casa catch

Last night at 6:51pm I caught my first baby here at Casa...a beautiful baby girl! The staff midwife that attended was the one I mentioned in my last post that's extremely interventive. I did manage to squeak away with a whopping six minutes of delayed cord clamping!! That's pretty rare here at Casa :-) Another intern and I tried to coax the midwife into allowing the mom to birth in a different position since the mom was complaining of back discomfort and the intensity of the pain (from being flat on her back). We failed miserably but at least we tried. She literally looked at us like our heads were on backwards!

We had two more mamas come in for labor checks throughout the night...One was sent back home and the other is still in labor with an OP baby (and of course flat on her back). I really hope to be with that Mom when she births as i was with her all night - Still adjusting to the idea of shift changes but quite honestly there so needed here.

I love and miss you all so much...only 16 more days to go...I cant wait to be back home!!!!

Love,
Kim

1st on tomorrow

The gig is up...As you've noticed in the picture the reality is that midwives really are witches. We have green faces and consult with our trusty magic 8 ball for insight.This is what Casa is all about folks...

So tomorrow evening I'll be first on...That means that I'm the head intern in charge for any births that come through that evening. Unfortunately the staff midwife that will oversee what I'm doing is known to be the most interventive midwife here at Casa. In all honesty I get along with her incredibly well and was picking her brain tonight and very passive aggressively pulling out how she feels about "gentle birth". I unfortunately didn't get very far with that conversation but at least I tried! Cord blood collection is mandatory immediately following all births here at Casa. Which means that the cord is immediately clamped and cut following birth. I suggested the idea of possibly delaying cord clamping and pulling the blood from a nice juicy vein in the Placenta and she said "it was of course possible" but didn't seem at all enthused by the idea. I'll see if I can get away with maybe five minutes of allowing the cord to pulsate before she notices. I must entertain myself somehow....sneaky little me :-)

Today I was off and sat out in the dry desert sun. Ya know, you can literally feel the moisture being sucked out of your skin here. I miss home ssssoooo much, I miss my kids, my Steve, my dog, my bed and my hula hoop...oh, how I miss hoop dancing(it's my new obsession) google it if you don't know what it is.

I love and miss you all and will update more tomorrow...

Love,
Kim

Hi everyone,

I needed some time to decompress from all the activity here before I could post again. I definitely feel I'm in a much better place today then I was the day prior. I woke up this morning with a sense of peace and clarity about being here at Casa. I'm going to try my best to stick it out because the reality of it all is that I will more then likely learn alot here if I just keep my mouth shut. I don't have to agree with the way they do things here (cause I don't)and that's OKAY! I've already learned so much about myself in the week I've been here and that in itself has been worth the money I paid. I still wouldn't personally recommend Casa to anybody though...It really does suck ass here. They treat the interns like crap and can be very confrontational & demeaning. Not very conducive to a learning environment to say the least. It's bootcamp birth though and of course bootcamp is hard but I will hopefully walk away from all of this with stronger skills that I can choose to use when appropriate. Were going to be doing an IV skills workshop soon as well as an incredible full day suturing class. Obviously both good skills to have in case you ever really need them. I'm also getting really good at my cervical checks...Yippy!

You know, I was thinking about it and I've probably had my fingers in more vagina's lately then all the men I've known have had combined! Just a thought that crossed my mind as I was typing...Anyway...

So today I went to Juarez, Mexico. I had a great time! We walked into Mexico...about a 45 minute walk from Casa. I had some traditional Mexican flautas & frijoles and of course the Coke a Cola in Mexico is the bomb! I also enjoyed a Frutas Fresca - Which is a tall glass of fresh fruit juice...mmmmmm! I love the colors, sights and sounds of Mexico. The people are so friendly and greet you with a big huge smile. My pasty self should have brought some sunscreen with me but didn't, needles to say I got a little burned :-)It was really a neat experience to walk into Mexico, I've never done that before.

Well enjoy the pics...I will update again soon!

Love,
Kim

That wonderful full moon energy

I've literally been attending births since 5am this morning. We had four mama's deliver today at Casa...and it hasn't even been a full 24hrs!! I'm wiped beyond belief. Promise to update more tomorrow.


Buenos Noches,
Kim

Tearing me apart

Okay, I was warned. I'm so not pulling the victim card but in all honesty I'm kicking myself in the ass right now for NOT heeding the advice of those that have been to Casa before me. I'm seriously traumatized. "Birth is different here" I'm told. Woman are ONLY allowed to birth in the McRoberts position...so sad. I was told that this is the optimal position for Mexican woman cause their pelvis' are shaped differently then all other woman...??!!???!! All I can say is WTF!!!!!! I know of practitioners in Mexico that are providing waterbirth & Moms can deliver in any position they desire. I wonder if maybe when they cross the border into El Paso if maybe some big brother type shit happens and their pelvis' contort into a different shape...? Hmmmmm? Could be, ya just never know.

Right now as I sit here and type I'm deeply saddened by the birth I witnessed earlier. Perhaps I sound naive but I had no idea that CPM's would ever dare be this interventive. I witnessed this babies head being yanked on like a tug of war rope...mind you he was descending beautifully with NO signs of shoulder distocia. After birth the cord was immediately clamped & cut and baby was whisked away and given a bottle of formula to make sure he had a strong sucking reflex!! I feel like either I'm on Mars or this is a REALLY bad joke. I failed to mention the routine deelee suctioning that they did on this little guy, which the American Academy of Pediatrics NO LONGER recommends. Mostly I'm sad - Sad for those precious moments lost between mother & child, Sad that this baby was treated with little regard to the conscious and aware being that he is. It will inevitably be my turn to be first on and catch a baby in the next week or so. I refuse to needlessly tug and pull on a baby's neck, I simply wont do it. Yes, I need my numbers for my NARM paperwork but not at the cost of potentially damaging a baby's nerves.

I want to cry, I'm so far away from my family and I feel I'm learning nothing I would EVER apply in my own practice...It doesn't feel worth the sacrifice or cost. I only hope that things get better from here on out. Morally I'm not sure how long I can take witnessing this type of abuse. There are some clinical skills I want to learn but I'm not quite sure if it's worth sticking it out. I also realize that weather I'm here or not births here at Casa will still be happening. One week has passed here already I hope the other three fly by just as quickly. Who knows though - I might be on the next plane back to Chi-Town tomorrow.

I should get going as we just got two mamas that came in in labor. I need some good energy sent my way friends...I'll update soon!

Love,
Kim

pack of hungry wolves

Casa has been sssllooooowwww. Me and the other interns here have literally been sitting around like a pack of hungry wolves waiting for a birth! I caught myself even going as far as stepping out in front to look over the bridge and see if there were any pregnant mamas in labor walking over to the center...Yep, it's pretty pathetic, I know. We had a long & somewhat grueling class today on vaginal exams and cervical assessment. Vaginal exams are done ROUTINELY here on ALL pregnant woman from 36wks on until delivery...I'm disturbed beyond belief. I need to remind myself daily that it's not homebirth though and these woman are not coming here for homebirth type care. I'm trying to remain open as much as possible. All I can say is that I'm so glad that I came here with a firm foundation in prenatal care prior to coming here and even more grateful for my training and experience in homebirth. I cant imagine only having this type of clinical experience and then going off and serving woman at home...OMG!

I trust in women and their ability to give birth with as little intervention as possible. We are not disasters waiting to happen. Babies need and deserve to be born into a loving & safe space where their consciousness is recognized and respected. These are core beliefs of mine. I'm choosing to stay open to what Im learing here and store it away in my brain...some info further back then others!

~Kim

The Zombie Shift

Okay, so today I'm on for a full 24 hr shift! I've been taking "citas" all day (remember that means appointment). I'm on a two hour break right now. Things have been going pretty good - No birth yet!!! Can you believe it?! We have alot of mamas due right now though...I think there all holding out to bombard us together. I'm already getting signed off on alot of my NARM skills, that feels really good. I cant wait to be done with all of this and get my CPM. When I do pass my NARM test people Im having a HUGE celebration partay and everyone's invited!!

I've been much better with taking care of myself - Yes, I'm eating and drinking water Jen! Sleep is difficult though here. I miss home sssooo much, staying busy helps the time pass. My Spanish is getting much better. When your submersed in it and doing prenatals by yourself you learn rather quickly. My conscious will not allow a woman to go with less then optimal care due to my own language barrier so I'm learning as I go. Today I told a woman that "lo siento, Mi espanol muy Sangre" Which means "I'm sorry my spanish is very BLOOD" she laughed...I meant to say Malo (bad). The woman are sweet and so paitent with me as I read verbatum out of my spanish/english dictionary and spanish for midwives book.

I guess I should get going now before my entire lunch passes me by...Till next time!

Love,
Kim

What a day!

Oh my good god this is one of the most exhausting days I've had in a looonnnggg time!!! I spent all day - literally from 8am-7pm doing prenatal visits (aka "citas" here...means appointment), initial registrations, well woman care & newborn exams. After my shift was over I had the opportunity to do my first blood draw on a fellow intern. It was pretty exciting and I surprisingly wasn't nervous about doing it at all...of course my fellow intern didn't feel that way :-) It was easy as pie though. I also got a few other skills checked off today - Finger sticks, drawing up meds, Oxygen tank set up and a few others.

The mama's here are sssooo wonderful! I cant help but to wonder about how many Hispanic woman would be giving birth at home in IL if we had more bilingual midwives...It's an entire community of woman and families that have no resource for homebirth. I just may have to change that :-) Seriously, I highly doubt that only "well of white woman" are the only ones that desire peaceful, gentle and safe homebirth for their babies. The woman and families of the Pilson area had a homebirth resource once upon a time...the name of the program however is completely evading my mind at the moment (Lo Siento - Means I'm sorry). Perhaps by the end of this blog It'll come to me.

On another note I can pretty much guarantee I'll be a much slimmer me by the time I get back home. Food doesn't seem to make it very high on the list of necessities...sleep seems far more important. Screw weight watchers, dieting, whatever - Come to Casa and you can catch babies and lose weight all at the same time - What more can you ask for!

I should go and get some sleep while I can. If anyone goes into labor tonight I need to be there for the birth. I miss you all and will update again soon.

Buenos Noches,
Kim

I'm here!

Hola everyone! I've made it to El Paso. I arrived at the birth center at around 1:30pm, unpacked my belongings and got acquainted with most of the interns here. I'm choosing to get some decent rest tonight as I'm running on only an hour & a half of sleep...Yes, I waited till 9:30pm the night before my 6am flight to BEGIN packing. Ahhh, well...old habits die hard I guess. I start my first shift tomorrow morning at 8am...Yikes! All new interns are instructed to be a fly on the wall and ONLY observe the first few births that they attend here. I've already been forewarned that birth is different here...It will be NOTHING like homebirth, woman will push their babies out flat on their backs in the oh so famous famous McRoberts position and I need to pretty much keep my mouth shut and not say a GD thing about it...So I wont. I'm choosing to stay positive and not expect a horrible experience here...otherwise I'm sure that's what I'll get. So far everyone has been super friendly. It is so like being in Mexico, of course Juarez Mexico is only right over the bridge. I brought by passport and plan to take a bike ride into Mexico on my day off. I hear they have a fabulous little market there. I promised my boys that I'd bring them home a gift - Keenan has requested coyboy boots and Jacob wants a bow & arrow...I think I'll get them some Maracas and call it a day :-)

Okay - I need to get some rest. Thanks for all your support and love. I promise to update as I can.

Love,
Kim

I do want to say that for client confidentiality reasons I will not be disclosing names or details of anyones birth experience

It's a pretty strange fee

And so I begin...

I promised I would make a gallent effort to blog my journey and experience while down in Texas during my midwifery internship. Although I cannot promise a daily blog I will attempt to write and check in as often as I can. I suppose all the people that really love me will check in frequently and comment on my blogspot often! Those of you that dont, I will have to reconsider our friendship once I return from Texas :-)My flight is set to leave early Sunday morning at 6am (4/13/08) and I should arrive in El Paso Texas at around 12:15pm. I'm ssooo nervous!! I've never been away from my kids for such an extended period of time, I hope things go smoothly for Steve & the kids while I'm away. My control freak side of me has emerged and reared it's ugly head as it always does right before I leave for a trip or plan a big event...I become a super duper drama queen during this time. I plan to combat that though tomorrow with lots of rescue remedy and maybe a mid afternoon margarita.Till tomorrow my friends!Buenas Noches,Kim